the artist's way - week 7
recovering a sense of connection - plus some notes on Why I'm Not Playing Catch-Up
hello!
Welcome to this week’s Monday newsletter. You may be wondering where I have been - and I may be feeling the need to over-explain myself. I feel a self-imposed guilt for missing two (2) posts on a schedule that I created for myself. In the past, when I get behind on something that I have set out to do, I feel the need to play Catch-Up, I do all of the “behind” work, and then I am extremely burnt out.
The good news is that right now, there are no negative consequences for me just moving ahead - and I think my business, my art practice, and my future less-burnt-out self with thank me for it.
let’s get into it!
I have so much to say now that I am back from my little hiatus. I have been writing a lot about what I want to do, make, and write. I have a lot of ideas and I am excited to start working on them!
The first thing I want to talk about is my writing. In the same way I often feel uncomfortable telling someone how I’m actually doing great, my life is amazing, and I am very happy at the risk of sounding like I am bragging (?? crazy, because when someone tells me this, even if I am having a bad day, I am happy for them! Somehow I am not like other girls…) I usually feel the need to tone down my writing as well. It’s something inside of me saying “don’t be Too Much” or worse… But you know what, writing is actually incredibly fulfilling to me, I love to do it, and I love to share what I have to say with others. I also trust that the people who don’t like my writing will just not read it, and the people who do like it will find it.
Recently I made this video on instagram and I discussed in the caption a bit about how I got back into journaling:
i was never able to make a consistent habit out of journaling. i have journaled sporadically for as long as i can remember.
how i got back into journaling👇🏻
for a while i was doing The Artist's Way morning pages but like many other techniques of consistency i have tried, i just couldn't stick with it - i really got bogged down attempting to write three (3) pages every day, and i would feel the need to play catch up when i missed them. it was not sustainable for me. plus, stream of consciousness doesn't exactly work for someone like me, especially at that capacity. what i mean is that i could write a whole novel given the time but it would be filled, jam packed, with every worry, fear, and what-if my expansive imagination could muster.
so i stopped writing entirely for a bit. i started this journal in january and decided i would just write about "good things" and honestly, it was hard to write much at first. i was so used to writing a lot more, that it took a while for me to get in the groove. i found that i really love to write about what i am reading, write down quotes, write about my projects, draft letters to send, write about my goals and plan how to get to them, etc. once i let go of the empty volume writing style i was doing before, it really opened my mind to a much more productive style and now i can't wait to write most every day. i find now that the times i don't want to write, i start anyway, with just one sentence. sometimes i leave it there, but usually i write more and am glad i did. 👾
Now into… Recovering a Sense of Connection
I am just over half way through with the twelve chapters of The Artist’s way, and I fear it is showing that I am beginning to dread writing these posts. I have never made it more than two weeks along before, but this time I have been gaining a lot of insight while genuinely working the book for the first time. Unfortunately though, I think my dread stems from feeling a bit of lift in my confidence, starting to feel more sure of myself, and wanting to just move on and quit writing about it. I am ready to just be doing it.
The reality is that once I do sit down to just write the post, it typically takes me one to two hours - and considering how much time I waste on my phone some days, one to two hours is really no big deal. Especially when I have always been proud of myself for having written it, and I have always regretted not doing so. Plus, there has yet to be a week where I didn’t at least get a tidbit of inspiration from having read and written.
The essays… aim at excavating areas of genuine creative interest as you connect with your personal dreams.
The topic of “recovering a sense of connection” for this chapter, I took to mean “with others” and maybe in a way it touches on that idea, but it really talks about perfectionism, risk, and jealousy. I think these are all really relating to the connection we have with ourselves.
perfectionism
I definitely have perfectionist tendencies and the author says “the perfectionist writes… with one eye on her audience". As much as I tell myself I am going to make what I want, it doesn’t truly matter what people think, I still think it matters to me a little. It doesn’t mean I should quit. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t good enough to share. Though I think a good shift in my mindset that I have been trying to remember lately is that it doesn’t matter if it feels like people don’t like what I make, because someone will. It may seem like people don’t connect or relate to what I make, but that’s only because the right audience hasn’t found it yet - but I know they will if I persist and keep doing all that I can to be authentic.
risk
The author discusses how often we say we can’t do something when really we haven’t even tried because we are afraid to fail. We might not take the risk because we think it won’t be perfect or even good enough.
Selecting a challenge and meeting it creates a sense of self-empowerment that becomes the ground for further successful challenges.
In short, the risk is usually worth it, if what we fear is that we may not be successful. We might surprise ourselves.
jealousy
The author states that “[her] jealousy had actually been a mask for [her] fear of doing something [she] really wanted to do but was not yet brave enough to take action toward.” I actually found myself just yesterday admiring someone’s work, or perhaps feeling envious, and I said that it was really good, I can’t do that. The reality is I have never tried. Maybe I could do it, or I could even learn to do it! I think jealousy often creates limiting beliefs in my head - oh, they must have something different than me, they are better than me, etc - when actually I could give it a try or learn for myself. I think jealousy creates a divide between myself and others and also a divide between myself and what I could be capable of.
to wrap it up…
I think despite my sort of lackluster attitude I have brought to the last few editions of my Artist’s Way journey, I still can turn it around and finish strong. It’s written on my agenda, I have set aside time to work on it, and I also learned that I can schedule posts - I can write it ahead of time and set it up to go out when I need it to. Somehow this changes the way I think about it, and it feels like I could sit down and write it on any day, I can’t exactly explain why it is different. Maybe someone else feels this way too.
Until next time,
Han