hello!
If you read my last newsletter, I talked a bit about the book and creativity re-discovery program “the artist’s way”(by Julia Cameron).
This week I read through the beginning introduction chapters and “week one”. I am writing here now mostly to continue to keep the commitment to myself that I write about and document my process. But I dreadfully must report there is not much to report. By that I mean, I feel I have nothing to show for this week but that doesn't mean the things I did and read and thought about were not worthwhile.
Shall I get into it?
the artist way - week 1 “recovering a sense of safety”
In this chapter, the author talks a lot about affirmations and ways to build yourself up. I appreciate this sentiment but my reality is that ideas like affirmations have not worked for me in the past. This could mean that I have a misunderstanding of them or that I am not doing them correctly but I digress. I liked reading about this idea, but I was struggling to apply it to me.
Recently I have really been interested in making videos. I really like these slice of life, video blog (“vlog” if you will..) comedic videos I see sometimes and I would really love to recreate that style. I have made one before that I was so proud of, and then I made a second and though I followed a sort of format I had used for the first one, the second one did not live up to my expectations. And I am sure you could guess where this is going - I did not try it again. I recently watched back a video of myself trying to act natural and it felt so unnatural it felt like I was playing a character. And I had the thought - what if I just play a character?
The point is, I think if I think of myself as someone else and not me - think of myself as someone I can make into whoever I want - it could feel easier to be free. Basically, I think I could apply the affirmations to myself in a sort of round about way. It’s hard to describe what I mean and I think it will be hard to understand unless you feel it in a way too.
I think I feel a little trapped as the person I think I just am and that feels unchangeable whereas if I think of my friend wanting to try something new, etc etc, I feel excited and it doesn’t seem silly at all. It’s like when you’re having a hard time with something and you think “well, what would I tell my friend in this situation” except I am making myself the friend.
It’s also hard to do something new and it’s hard to be bad at it! It feels like the “what ifs” start flooding in and that I might drown in them. But I try to open the “so what” drain and let them flow right on out. I don’t know. What if this or that goes wrong? Well, so what?
I will continue to think of myself as an artist and continue to create whatever I want using affirmations as sort of stepping stones to gain confidence. Actually, it feels so fake to say that - I think because I tried to tie everything else I said before up with a nice little bow but it’s really not so simple as that. Realistically, what I’ll do is make a Pinterest board that visually describes what I want for myself and then describe who I am as in artist in the third person - a sort of journal prompt. And that’s my homework to me from me.
in conclusion
Uh oh! I think I accidentally got the impression that The Artist’s Way would make me better at art and not that I would have to dig deep inside myself to find that the good art was the love I have for myself all along! Oops!
I’m not for everyone, my art isn't for everyone, but I feel I have to be creative so that I can show other people it’s possible. I want to inspire people to be free. I want to be free myself. Or something like that.
Maybe I’ll do my morning pages this week. Maybe I’ll do an artist date. Maybe I’ll do the reading and writing activities. But I’ll definitely be back.
Until next time,
Han